There was a time when I wasn’t truly living in multiple areas of my life; a time when overwhelm, stupid fights with my partner, and taking care of everyone and anything except myself were my norms. Without admitting to myself that something was off, I searched for ways to make things better.
If you’re here, maybe you’re searching, too.
THIS ALL CHANGED
4 YEARS AGO.
I was at a conference where the presenter made a provocative statement, “All of us have a part of us that wants to die.” I raised my hand and shared that I’ve never wanted to die. Her response was like a sucker punch to the chest. She said, “Heather, everywhere you are not truly living is a place you want to die.”
I spent the next three years diving into why. Why wasn’t I fully living? Why was I phoning it in so often? Why were some things effortless and others worth binge-watching Netflix all day to avoid?
As a counselor trained in mindfulness, I had a front row seat to my discomfort. I watched myself dive into research while avoiding my body’s plea to move, eat better, and rest more. I saw myself get caught in arguments with my partner that didn’t matter – like how to load the dishwasher. (My way was right, of course!)
I uncovered layers and layers of self-abandonment, judgment, fear, and a lack of trust. Would I be ok if I stood in front of a group and spoke vulnerably? Could I trust myself to express my anger? Was I pretty enough? Above all else, I wondered, “Can I be ‘me’ safely? If I express my true self, will anyone love me?”
As I looked at all the ways I wasn’t living, fully living, more and more connections emerged between intergenerational trauma passed down by parents and grandparents and beyond. I see it in my life, and I see it in my clients’ lives as well. Trauma is being passed down to us and then our kids because no one has given us an accessible definition or a way to integrate it, to heal it. I want that to end.
Trauma isn’t some ambiguous thing that’s hard to heal. The true definition of trauma is simply any sensation, emotion, or thought that is unintegrated, unprocessed.
WE CAN HEAL THE TRAUMAS WE FACE BY IMPLEMENTING
5 Simple Steps
And the residual traumas passed down to us, the unnamed feelings of not being safe or good enough or worthy, we can heal those too.
You’ll find everything I needed to integrate enough trauma to rekindle my joy in The Toolbox: Practical Tools to Renovate and Love Your Messy Life™, which will be released November 27th, 2019. (You can learn more here.)
Whether trauma shows up for you as overwhelm and exhaustion, seeking something more, or in a desire for your children or community to be safer and healthier than what you grew up with, this is the place for you.
Have you ever felt called to something so big it’s hard to look at? Yeah, me too. It turns out that my mission is to end human-created trauma in this lifetime. Whew! Even now, the enormity of my mission causes tears to well up.
And then I remember…
It’s not about changing the whole world all at once. It starts with me and then with you. Trauma ends each time I choose wholeness and break the habit of throwing my discomfort at someone else. And it can end for you too.
JOIN THE MOVEMENT
I hope you’ll join me in fulfilling this mission: ending human-created trauma, one nervous system at a time. Your greatest contribution is for you to reclaim your freedom and wholeness. You can find resources to do that here.
Do you have ideas on how to grow this movement, Love Your Messy Life™, and in doing so, end human-created trauma? Please reach out on Facebook.